You think you know someone. Until you don't.

You think you know someone, and then they do something that make you realize, no, you do not. That's not always a bad thing.

There comes a point in every relationship where one party will do something to make the other stand there, mouth open, shock flooding their features. But that's not always a bad thing either.

Sometimes you do something, say something, or don't do or say something that is so unforgivable that you fully expect that friend to tell you to leave. And then they forgive you and you realize that you don't know them at all.

Everyone has a sin they find unforgivable, even if they themselves commit that sin. They hold it over themselves and close up, shutting out people in an effort to self-punish. Mine is betrayal. Betrayal of trust, of family. There are a lot of things that fit into those categories, and I have committed each of them more times than I can count against people I'm supposed to love. I expect them to be done with me, but then they forgive me, and I remember: people are surprising.

It's weird, that moment when you realize that the person sitting across the table loves you. Really, truly, set-themselves-on-fire, shout-from-the-rooftops loves you. There's embarrassment and butterflies and soul-crushing shame that you are so bad and wrong that you can't possibly deserve this love. There's awe and gratitude that someone can see past the crap and walls of protection and layers of inappropriate humor and still, somehow, want a part of that.

I've never been in love. I'm sure it's as wonderful and terrible as everyone claims it to be. But I am quite content with and all together surprised by the love I do have: that strong, unbreakable bond of chosen family. It's different from being loved by a parent or a sibling. It's a love that is wholly unnecessary and fragile, yet somehow vital and strong.

There's an old quote that says "blood is thicker than water." Everyone takes it to mean that the people you are born to are the ones who deserve your loyalty. But that's not it at all. The full quote is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Meaning that the relationships you choose, the people you decide on, are more lasting than a simple familial connection. It's different than familial love, because it doesn't have to exist.

That's not to say that family isn't important. But in order for family to mean anything at all, you have to choose it. So when that person you've chosen to be a part of you family hands you a perfectly prepared cup of coffee, or forwards you the answers to the study guide unprompted, or lies for your benefit, and you realize that they love you, too, it's life-changing. Crazy, unexpected, and just plain weird, that there is a real, live human being that loves you, flaws and all.

And, sure, they're going to do something stupid. Something you hate. But it's important to remember that love is not the absence of conflict. And that you need to forgive them, because they have forgiven you.