I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately.
Not romantic ones, although I have seen a lot of those pop
up or slow burn in the past few months. I’m mostly indifferent to that kind of
relationship. No bitterness on my part. I just don’t really care as much as I
probably should about them. I’m not sure why that is. I’ve long since stopped
trying to figure that out.
No, when I say relationship, I mean anything having to do
with people’s interaction with other people. I guess that includes romantic
ones, but I’ve seen a thousand blogposts about singleness and dating and
marriage and it’s just kind of making me uncomfortable. So we're going to steer
clear of that, if it’s all the same to you.
I’ve been thinking about relationships lately and how
quickly they can change.
Been thinking back on friendships of mine that can barely be
classified as such. About friendships that snuck up on me, that started out as
business transactions or convenient meal plans. About friendships that
blossomed against my will or the will of the other.
It’s amazing what shared experiences can do. War stories and
hell weeks can knit people together so much more quickly than a cup of coffee
or kind words. Because high pressure situations bring out the worst in people,
and when you see the worst in someone, you have a
shining opportunity to love
them anyway.
Of course coffee and kind words bring people together, too.
But it helps if these things are
done when there’s already a bond formed,
however strained.
But something I've been thinking about even more than how
quickly they change, is how much potential for disaster or wonder a relationship
holds.
It’s a universal truth that people hurt people. It doesn't
matter how kind or strong or interesting a person is. That person is capable of
causing great pain, is capable of being dealt great pain. People hurt people
and are hurt by people in return. Just ask the bully in the Projects whose dad
beats him. Just ask the heartbroken mother who has to see her son in prison.
The recently dumped girlfriend, the rape victim, the receiver of unkind words.
Just look at yourself. Just remember the hatred and venom you yourself have
received. The hatred and venom you spewed yourself. The witty comment you made
about this person’s fashion sense or that person’s quirks. People hurt people.
It’s what people do.
I’m not exempt. I’ve said and done poisonous things. Some of
you reading this are well-acquainted with the things that I’ve done and said. I’m
a person, and I’ve hurt people.
But people are also capable of great kindness.
There is a girl who calls bullcrap on every defense
mechanism that I throw up. She looks at me, and she sees. But she doesn’t stop
there. She does. She acts. She gives me words of encouragement and holds me
when I can't hold myself. She loves.
There’s a man who I treated like dirt for five months. And
then again for two. And he encourages me when he sees me. He sends me messages
ensuring me of his prayers. He takes time to let me know that despite the hurt
I’ve caused, he still calls me friend. He still cares, and though he will
never, ever say it, he loves me.
Both of these people blow my mind.
They love people; it’s obvious. And the only reason that it’s
even possible is because they love Christ who loved them first. I’m not saying
that they’re perfect. Just loved and forgiven, loving and forgiving others in
turn.
I’ve been thinking about relationships lately and how they
shouldn’t work, but by God’s grace, they do anyway. Because while we are
infinitely sinful, He is infinitely holy, and holiness beats sin every single
time. People hurt people, but God heals.
